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2008-02-18 The congressional hearings last week investigating the use of performance enhancing drugs by major league players may well yield a great benefit to all Americans far beyond the game of baseball.
After watching for hours of what appeared to be a complete and utter waste of time and taxpayer money, I grew rather weary. I shut the TV off, as I couldn't endure one more moment of painful lies and deceptions emanating from both the witnesses and the questioners.
The he said-he said, allegations, denials, posturing and grandstanding held all the elements a typical day in Congress produces. It's enough to make any hard-working, taxpaying citizen sick.
And then it hit me!
The American people should hire former trainer Brian McNamee and his bag of needles, gauze and drugs and charge him with the specific task of injecting each and every member of Congress with the topic of the day … "performance-enhancing drugs."
Isn't that exactly what the Unites States Congress needs? The ability to perform? If the polls are any indication, we all think they are doing a lousy job. So why not help them?
If HGH and steroids can elevate the level of play enough for Souza and Maguire to break and set home run records, it should easily enhance the horrific performance of Congress. It may even get these deadbeats to do the jobs you and I pay them to do.
Who knows? Maybe it will give them the ability to balance a budget and stop spending tax dollars wastefully. How about helping them engineer a viable solution to the Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid crisis that now totals $50 trillion?
How about doing their job to fix the broken borders and deal with the 12 million lawbreakers who are in the country illegally, shoring-up the military, fully funding and supporting the troops to ensure success in Iraq and passing the FISA bill to provide intelligence agencies with the tools to fight terrorists?
And if they really want to elevate their game, they could focus a stimulus package on the real problem in America's slowing economy-housing and, maybe, reduce taxes and create incentives for businesses to grow and hire more employees. In other words, stop wasting time on ridiculous hearings like the one I watched this week and focus on the issues we pay them to fix.
If they are successful, we won't have to face the 2008 election looking for a single person to fix all the problems we have in America. Choices which, at best, are the worst we have had in 50 years.
For instance, Hillary Rodham who goes to Texas after suffering a humiliating defeat in the Potomac primary and meets with her "family" members whom all happen to have a Hispanic surname. The family members she knows so intimately she had to be handed a 3x5 card with their names printed on it so she could remember them. I can only imagine how my family members would react at Thanksgiving if I had to write their names on a card to remember them. How endearing.
Or a fellow like JFK/MLK Obama who has a dream. A dream that will tell you to ask not what Obama can do for you but what you can do to make him your first black president. Perhaps he believes the color of his skin may be more important than the content of his character.
Of course, there is always Juan McCain, who, by the way, served in Vietnam and was a POW. He reminds us more about that than John Kerry, who also served in Vietnam. McCain, the same senator who is a "friend" to everyone. Every time he addresses anyone, they are always "my friends." If George Bush was characterized as a "cowboy," I can't wait to see how the critics will look at a "maverick." Wonder if we will refer to his VP as "goose" or his "wingman"?
So let's inject Congress with performance-enhancing drugs. If it doesn't work as well as it did in athletics, we the people can always inject them with the reality of voting them out of office. Just like the dose of reality the MLB will inject by voting drug users out of the Hall of Fame.
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