2009-06-18
So there I was sitting on the patio of a fast-food restaurant, enjoying the last few drags on a Marlboro while finishing the 32-ounce Coke, with which I washed my Big Mac down, when all of a sudden my heart was flooded with fear. Time was running out.
I jumped into my eight mile-per-gallon SUV and frantically drove back to the house. Walking in, I checked the thermostat and flipped on just enough light to see in order to meet the deadline.
Proceeding to my small office, I pulled out a stack of forms and began to feverishly fill in all the necessary information to maintain my "good citizen" status by the deadline. Only minutes were left before trouble that no excuse could stop would occur.
First the 1040BM form for the Big Mac, fries and coke. Approximately 1,200 calories, 300 grams of sugar, 250 grams of fat put me above my limit. The anxiety was borderline unbearable. I am assured a written report to the FDA and the HHS dept will be the result of my indulgent lunch.
Next the 1030T for the Marlboro – well within the allotted tar and nicotine limits. My worry diminished somewhat. That is until I worked on the next form.
Form 1050C for the carbon footprint left as I wasted precious gasoline speeding home. Thinking about the injury, I caused Mother Earth with my excessive greenhouse gas almost sent me over the edge. If I had not lolly-gagged on those final puffs of my cigarette and last sip of Coke the need to speed would have been non-existent. Given I was fresh out of carbon credits, I knew there would be hell to pay.
As I walked into the family room to scan and send my forms I noticed a flashing of the thermostat I thought I had properly examined earlier. Horror! Sheer horror gripped me as I noticed "72" flashing and not the normal 82, which will now require an additional 1099XU form for the excessive use of allocated electricity.
My fate now lay in the hands of a bureaucrat who will review my daily reports before passing them on to the benevolent government who is doing its best to run my life – a life I apparently was unable to run myself. My only hope is for a full dose of charity to fill the heart of the bureaucrats toward this repentant over-user. How could I be so selfish using more than my fair share of the limited resources all 306 million of us now share?
Welcome to the Obama/Pelosi world, circa 2011.
After submitting all my forms I eased my way into my recliner made of recycled garbage bags and daydreamed of a time now referred to as the "good old days." Those were days accompanied by freedoms that were lost in the collective interests of all Americans as liberal Democrats took over every facet of life.
I had to stop myself at one point to remember the days when I could eat, drink, smoke and drive what I wanted. To experience enjoyment like that would require more forms. It just wouldn't be fair to my fellow Americans who deserve a level playing field.
You see, now we have to share the wealth, enjoyment and happiness, or else it is not seen as fair. It may jeopardize my status as an average person and make me one of the evil rich people who only enjoy at the expense of others – the evil rich who once provided jobs that now only the government is allowed to provide. The same ones who paid 72 percent of all the taxes. The very ones who "destroyed" Wall Street and kicked poor old ladies out of their homes to make an extra buck. And so the story goes of a once great country, until the liberal Democrats arrived, led into battle by their messiah Barack the Magnificent and his army of do-gooders named Pelosi, Frank and Reid. Of course, this was not done exclusively by the new regime of change as it is now known.
The genesis began during the Bush administration with the help of a Democrat-controlled Congress.
First, they took over the financial system to save the world from what was characterized as certain Armageddon. They provided billions of dollars to Bear Stearns, Fannie, Freddie and AIG to allegedly saved what little was left in most of our 401ks and bank accounts. I guess we are to be grateful?
Then they moved on to the automobile sector, pumping billions into manufacturing dinosaurs of days past, only to then bankrupt them in the best interest of the country. After wiping out secured creditors, the playing field was leveled further as unions and their members received billions in stock. They took from the "haves" and gave to the more entitled "have nots." The rich cats' equity and taxpayer dollars were given to the workers to right the wrongs done to them by greedy CEOs and shareholders.
Then it was on to health care, spending trillions to make sure the government fully determines who lives and dies, who is treated and who is not. Illegal aliens, along with hard-working Americans, could now receive free health care rationed by the government. Abortions, Viagra, sex changes and gastric bypass – all paid for by all of us.
It continued with the czars, 17 in total control of how much all workers are paid and how much they can use of the resources we now all share. The "Grandma Pelosi list," as it is affectionately dubbed, informs us of what we can and cannot use. It's an inventory of all we need and consume.
Many are heralding this as the new age. The "New Deal
" of the FDR era is replaced with the "New Dream." Freedom is now seen as government meeting your every need.
And this new age is spreading to all areas of society.
Great song writers like Billy Joel are re-releasing songs like "I'm in a welfare state of mind." Movies like "Independence Day" are remade into "Dependence Day." "Wall Street" is now "K Street." TV programs like "White House" replace "House." "So You Think You Can Dance?" has changed its name to "Of Course You Can Dance: America's Newest Self-Esteem Show."
Slogans like "We are from the government, and we are here to help" are no longer feared but welcomed by millions who no longer work or contribute to the country's GDP. Most people have lost all hope of ever seeing a day when they will be responsible for their own future and wellbeing.
Whoa!
I don't smoke, and I seldom eat fast food. Can't remember the last time I had a sugar-laced soft drink, and my car gets 20 miles per gallon.
Thank God I woke up from that nightmare!
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